Room References

Just looking back at this post and seeing the work I put into Pugly has re inspired me! I really do want to get back to working on it and am hoping to do so once this film is finished.

I ran across some of these photos and thought they are just exactly the look of the room I want Pugly's story to take place in. He will definitely blend in and belong...

 

 

I want him to be in this very rich Victorian room, which beautiful wall paper, the reddish brown furniture that's incredibly detailed and large.

Are you seeing him in it?!

Nother Day

I think my last post was the first time I ever expressed my personal feelings so easily, and more impressively in public!

It feels great reaching out to people and making that connection with someone.

Of course I do not believe that I am the only one going through this and that's probably why I'm writing this blog.

To make connections.

And also to vent!

How have things been since? Well...
Like I said, great hearing the encouragements and support and I truly appreciate it and it has helped, but the journey is not over!
I've been home alone for the past three days, asides from my usual trips to the gym. The digital chats here and there and the rest has been overtaken by me, my thoughts and bouts of working periods.
Today my frustrations have been renewed, perhaps because again, I am coming up against a production hurdle!

Why can't things just...Where do I want things to go?

I want this film to be done!
I have spent an insane amount of money into it, and I can't afford to invest in this anymore. I feel my cries are unheard, the production company is taking its slow pace while I boil in anger. I've also taken into procrastination, and  I won't lie a part of me is afraid that the umbrella of safely this film has cast will be gone, and then that famous question comes to mind: what will I do with myself?

Qualified for nothing!

I want my money back!

Sincerely though, I want to reap the benefits of this film, whatever they may be. I've worked hard, and invest so much into it. I want it to be seen, for people to notice it and me.

wtf?! Is that lightening out my window???

Hopeless Resltessness

It's been a while since I've posted anything, and well I've been busy!

I'm in the midst of working on my short film right now and its been a hell of an experience. I'm not sure when it will finish, everything seems to be taking a lot longer than I'd like.

At this point I'm feeling restless and hopeless...

I'm ready to move on and start something new, but the sad part is I don't think I'm entirely ready for that either. I think I'm writing because I'm trying to rationalize this feeling that I'm having.

Why am I so restless?

If there's a filmmaker out there reading this, maybe you've gone through the same? Enlighten me.

I'm in the post production faze now. It's a short live action film with intense VFX and along with being the writer, director, part executive produce (money bleeder), I am also working on some of the animations for a few scenes.
I've been anticipating the animation faze of this all along and now that I'm in it, its wearing me down a bit. I've forgotten how tedious, mindless, and solitary it can be.

Again if you're a filmmaker reading this, I think you know the dark places we all tend to go too throughout this process...

And I am trying to help myself, and get away from that place by venting and hopefully keeping this up, so that I can keep myself accountable.

Now do I have the courage to confess to you, whoever you are, what my hopelessness and dark places are? Not sure yet.

For now, I just need honestly to reach out, even if it's to nobody, but to feel some hope, that this is normal to go through, to have those doubts, and fears, and feelings of hopelessness.

Where am I going post this film?
Will I disappoint? Will I live up to the expectations every one had of me? Will I myself be happy with the work I've accomplished, and I know it's an accomplishment, but I feel like I need a bit more than just the words of encouragement, I want proof!!
Does that make sense?
What is there for me to do after this?
Yes I love directing! Will you hire me as a director? I see, I've barely got any experience...
Yes I love to animate! No I don't have those sick skills the techies you've hired got!
Back to teaching...oh that endlessness, yea I really get to use my skills (sarcasm), so busy with it I don't even have time for my own creative work...hmm but then again at least there was a pay!

Ooh ooh I know!! I'm opening my own company!

I've got lots of ideas for music videos, shorts, features, and more. I can work on that, hire a bunch of robots and sure will take some paid jobs here and there. Now who wants to give me money and an accountant maybe...

Yea hopelessness!

My bed looks nice. I think I'm going to lay under the covers for now.